Authentic Animal Conversation #5: “A Cat of Action”

“This seems like a really bad idea.”

“I’m not listening.  Look at my face.  This is my ‘I’m not listening’ face.”

“I’m serious, Steve.  I have a really bad feeling about this.”

“You’d rather be sitting in the snow?  I swear, all you do is complain and–”

“But Steve, I just mean–”

“‘Boohoo, my paws are frozen!  I can’t feel my toes!  Steve, help me I’m so cold!’  Your exact words just 10 freaking minutes ago, Ralph.  Am I right?”

“I know, but–”

“And I dealt with the situation, didn’t I?  I found a solution, right?  I took action.”

“I know you did, Steve.  It’s just–”

“I am a cat of action.  What have you done today besides complaining?  Anything, Ralph?”

“OK.  It’s just, well…  You realize we’re sitting on a dog, right?”

“It’s called a ‘calculated risk.’  Look it up.”

“Like that time you decided we should try sitting on the sleeping wolverine last winter?  Was that a ‘calculated risk?’  Because I still have calculated bite marks on my you-know-where from that swell idea.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to give you a calculated slap in the face.”

“Fine.”

More Authentic Animal Conversations.

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